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DyingWouldHaveBeenBetter

Then Bleeding By V. Martin When I was 10 I would pray to God that I would not wake up in the morning. I was living in my 5th foster home and I hated life and soon I would hate God too. If there was a God I did not like him because he did not like me. So when I started bleeding down there I thought God was finally answering my prayers. Only I was still alive! What the fuck, God? Then it happened again and I started to hide my underwear in the back of the dresser drawer. Confused and scared I kept my bleeding to myself thinking I was to die at any time, now, only I did not. Finally, I was running out of underwear. Then they, my foster sisters, discovered my secret and I was sat down to have “the talk”. It’s then that I was informed that I have become a woman and bleeding every month was the sign this had happened. They then went over the use of sanitary napkins and never to flush them down the toilet. That was it, the extent of my education on what it was to be a woman. To be clear, I wa...
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AgingIsABitch

  ButIAmABiggerOne By V, Martin  Believe me when I tell you that living without a family is one of the hardest and challenging nightmares a person can go through. Only you don’t get through it because it never lessens or fades because family never, or isn’t suppose to, fade or lesson. Family never goes out of style, having people never gets old. It, of course is one of the key elements to living a long healthy life. Ruling me and most other former wards of the state, out. Just another way society is reminding us not to live too long. When you are a potential drain on society, a criminal in the making, everything seems to point you in the same direction; suicide. It’s either that or go to prison for someone, or become what you and every other disposable person tries to avoid; a burden. No one makes it alone. Family is everything, without someone you are no one, the list goes on. There is nothing that says hang in there, your future is bright, you have someone one you have me. I...
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StayingHealthyOnABudget

 WhenFoodIsSoExpensive    By Vonia Martin Since I can remember food has been an issue. When I was a kid my momster sometimes forgot to feed us or just didn’t have any money for food so I have been hungry before. The hunger was tolerable because we had each other, my momster, my brother, and I not realizing that was going to change, eventually. Food from my childhood was not very comforting. Eating spam straight from the can sitting at a picnic table in the middle of the night does not bring back fond childhood memories. With that in mind, how in the world did I decide to seek out food with better or some nutrition? All I can say is that a part of me, the smart part, really wants to and knows how to live healthily. While being raised in the foster care system in Arizona nutrition was not a priority nor was school or anything related to me. I was not there for them to care for me, I was there to supplement their income so they can care for themselves. My foster families did...
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WhySuicide?

Selfish By V. Martin In my opinion, suicide is a selfish thing to do. Who do you think you are helping? No one, yourself? I realize things seam pretty desperate right now but they have always seamed that way. What we need to realize more then anything is that there is no helping anyone if you are dead. PERIOD! We were meant to be of service to one another in time of need. We all have periods of need, where our neighbors assistance is what makes things happen.  We need to be here for each other, there is no one else. I am human, you are human, Mother Nature is our only parent. Do not get me wrong, suicide I understand. Living is a lot more complicated. Perhaps there is something that I am missing. DAH!.I want my mommie! Same as everyone else but she don’t want me.
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53or35?

WhichIsIt? By V. Martin Today is my 53rd birthday but I feel and hopefully look 35ish. When I turned 50 I decided it was time to get in shape, mainly because when I waved at my neighbor my arm fat hit my boob and grossed me out. When I was a kid I loved to push myself physically until I grew boobs. After that I didn't participate in team sports but still ran some.  Once my adopted momster disowned me my physical well being took a back seat to my drug habit. So for the next 25+ years I controlled my weight with controlled substances. Not a very intelligent decision but the only one I could think of to stay alive. At least when I was high I didn't have to think of what happened to me for a second time in my short life. I just couldn't understand where I went wrong. I was an honest person, a good student, healthy, and I had a few brain cells. Yet no one wanted me. At least not more then a man. My real momster gave my brother and I away because her husband didn't want us an...
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